To be honest, I’m not sure where to start with this topic, but it has been weighing on my brain pretty heavily lately. In a good way and in … well, an emotional way.
In my last post, I talked a little bit about how I’m still working in retail and I know it’s not the right path for me. That still holds true. I am ready to move on…so ready to move on I truly don’t even have the words for it. Not to sound conceited but I know I am so much more than my current situation. Now on faith…I was raised with Faith in a church-going, God-loving family and I believe in Faith and the power it can have. I believe that faith can pull people through all things and not just religious faith, because hey – I’m not the best Christian by any means, and Faith in oneself can go a LOOONG way.
However faithful I am in the idea that I have a future worth fighting for…I have been finding it harder and harder everyday.
I feel emotionally drained and exhausted all the time – I never truly realized how great working on a TEAM is until everyday I’m forced into a team of people who don’t know what teamwork really is. I try to hold people together but at what cost? Everyone just looks out for themselves and when someone asks for a help or input a common answer is “I don’t know, not my problem.” I can barely get my job done some days because I’m busy doing everyone else’s. Not to mention working in a store that is so short-staffed that I am barely even given the time to do even the smallest piece of what I need to in a week. I don’t mean to complain…but to put this simply – I’m drained. I often get home from work and pass out on the couch within 20 minutes because I am so emotionally and physically exhausted. I dread going to work everyday, most days as I pull into the parking lot I feel my spirit sinking down into me and the forced facade of a happy, bright shiny person takes its place. I hate it, but for now it’s manageable.
Now what does this have to do with faith?
Well I think I have figured out that it’s Faith that gets me through and why I can manage the exhaustion and frustration for now.I have Faith in myself, Faith in my future, Faith in my life and family and friends. It’s been 1.5 years since I graduated college and I have barely made any steps forward and yet I still have Faith, despite all the rejection and mental/emotional turmoil. I send out resume after resume just hoping that one person will say – hey maybe we should give her a shot. So far no one has said it. At least not as far as I am aware as my phone sits with no important calls or emails coming in. And yet, I have faith that one day someone will realize it. I meant for more…I know it and I see it.
So what has gotten me thinking about faith so much?
Well, the other day as I was finishing up a particularly rough day in retail hell – I was helping a customer when he stopped and asked if he could tell me something. Of course I said yes and he proceeded to tell me, “God wants you to know he loves you. A lot of unfair things have happened to you and you feel like your lost – but he wants you to know he loves you and it will work out.”
I very nearly burst into tears right then and there. I held it together and thanked him, while telling him how meaningful that was and that I really needed it. Because I did – it’s been about a week since that interaction and I have thought about it everyday.
So that’s that, I have faith. I don’t know whats going to happen in the future or even in the now so why should I stress over it. I simply have to have faith in what is to come. But in the meantime I’m going to keep searching and I’m going to make it happen.
I am meant for more.
And it’s time I found it.
If you are still reading, well thank you – I needed to get this off my chest and say what has been in my brain begging to get out.
And just so you know…whatever battle of your own you’re fighting right now. I have faith in you too.
Let’s do this together.